On Saturday 3rd July my beautiful baby boys entered the world. Baby Kaan was born at 6.03pm, closely followed by baby Kerem at 6.07pm. I'm very proud to say that I had a relatively quick and natural delivery. Kaan weighed 5lb 8 oz and Kerem a mere 4lb 13oz.
Since their birth life for us has been a whirlwind. We have no concept of time or day - it has all just merged into one, filled with nappies, milk, laughter (ours from the joy of our boys) and tears.
The tears are mainly from the boys, when they are demanding more "mummy milk". Occasionally the tears have been mine. Tears of joy that I have finally had two healthy, beautiful babies after 9 months of worry and pain. Tears of frustration (how do I hold and feed both babies at the same time???), from the lack of sleep and tears from the pain of breastfeeding (I forgot just how painful it had been the first time round).
As I sit here attempting to write this blog, I am drawing complete blanks as to how to put into words how I feel, because words cannot express it. For the first time I am finding it difficult to express myself through writing. Words seem empty and incompetent. Yet I shall try.
My boys (all three of them) are my greatest, most proudest achievement of my life. They are my sunshine, my hopes and dreams. They are what makes it worth getting up in the morning (even when I haven't slept all night). I look at them and I'm filled with such pride and hope for them that it actually physically hurts. The twins are so little at the moment and so fragile, that I feel an overwhelming desire to protect them. I can easily imagine what a tigress feels like, over her little cubs - very easily understand how you would tear someone or something apart if they were to even attempt to hurt them. Being a mother is the most confusing feeling ever. You feel helpless and strong at the same time.
Kaan and Kerem are already showing their individual personalities. Kaan (the eldest by 4 mins) is "my grumpy old man". He tends to whinge and tell you off (yes, a 5 day old baby can tell you off - if only you could hear the tone he uses when whining!) about everything. Doesnt like his nappy changed, doesn't like to try to hard for his milk (if he has to suckle for too long he gets annoyed and starts beating the breast with his little fists!) and will pee on you if you upset him in anyway (he peed on the midwife who gave him his vitaming K shot). He insists on having his arms out and hates to be swaddled. And when he gets hungry or upset, he waves his little fists in the air, demanding attention! He loves to be held and gazes up at you with the most trusting, piercing stare that completely melts your heart.
Kerem is "my little sparrow (kucuk sercem). He is the most tiniest, most fragile looking thing - he looks like a doll. Yet do not be deceived by his size. He is tiny but mighty. For the first 24 hours of his life, he had to have heel prick tests to check his blood sugar levels (as he was so small) every 3 hours, yet he hardly made a sound every time they pricked him, and seemed unfazed by it. He can already lift up his head for a good look around at the world and he seems very protective of his brother, always opening his eyes to check he's next to him in the cot, before falling asleep again. I cannot wait to see them grow and develop into their personalities even more and I have bonded with them on equal levels instantly.
Their big brother Kaya seems infatuated with them, and although he is showing some signs of jealousy, it is not targeted at his brothers, he's just demanding our attention more. He is very loving towards the boys and I am really looking forward to seeing their relationship develop. I am truly blessed to have three such wonderful, beautiful, healthy boys - I am a very lucky lady!
Now I'm going to go and get some much needed sleep - if I can tear myself away from watching the boys sleep!