Sunday, 1 January 2012
Hubby and I laid in bed in the dark last night, watching a romantic comedy with the subtitles on and the volume turned down, while eating dry roasted peanuts and having a small glass of Magners Pear Cider. This is how we saw the New Year in. No loud music. No dancing. No drunkeness. Just a couple lying in bed, watching a movie, and desperately trying not to wake their toddler twins, who are still in the same bedroom as us.Welcome 2012 - just make sure you come quietly as I want to make sure I get a good night's sleep. It would have gone to plan, except Kaan woke up several times and was sick everywhere, Kaya woke up crying because he fell asleep before I got to read him a bedtime story and Kerem decided to wake up and have a full blown conversation about God (and Kaan) know's what. Whatever he had to say, it sounded very important. Hopefully this year, I'll start to understand their conversations (either they'll learn my language, or I'll just have to learn theirs!). And so another year begins. We may not have partied like it's 1999. We may not have been surrounded by extended family and friends. It may not be the most exciting way to see the new year in, but it suited us just fine. Because I was with the most important people in my life; my husband and my sons. Until the boys are older, this is how it'll have to be. But that's ok, I'll happily give up parties to be with my little family.I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone by. This time last year, we had moved in with my parents as I was struggling to look after the twins alone (I would have a panic attack at the thought of being alone with them). My mum was there for me from the moment the twins were born, but all the coming and going from my place to hers was tiring her out, so she asked us to come and stay with her and we accepted. The twins were 4.5 months old. They are now nearly 18 months (in two days time) and we finally feel ready to move back to our home. I no longer go into a mad panic at the thought of being alone with them. I no longer feel imcompetent. I know I can do it. Yes I'm sure I'll mess up and make mistakes along the way - but what mother doesn't?? Motherhood doesn't not come with a manual. You live it and learn through it.When I look into the faces of my three beautiful children, I realise that I can't be doing that badly, for I have three very happy, healthy boys who adore me. For now. In the words of the poet Philip Larkin "They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do.They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you"........Every time I feel like a failure as a mother, I think of these verses, and have a little chuckle to myself. I'd like to think my parent's haven't messed me up. I seem quite sane (sometimes), I'm pretty normal (usually) and a lovely person (if I'm not crossed), so hopefully I won't be messing up my own kids. Hopefully....Soooo, Happy New Year to everyone. May it bring us all health, wealth & happiness. And may it bring me more sleep at nights, less fights to break up during the days and more of a social life. Amen!