Cry Baby....

For the last few days or so, I have been feeling really down. I knew that the last few weeks were going to be the hardest - every pregnancy is hard towards the end. What I wasn't counting on was the overwhelming feeling of lonliness that I have. No matter where I am, or who I'm with, I just feel so alone. I feel like I have this massive responsibility heading my way and I don't know how I'm going to be able to cope with it.

I guess reality is setting in as the days are getting nearer. When I first found out I was expecting twins I was so scared. Yet every single member of my family told me that we can do this and that I wasn't alone - they would be there for me and help me. But the fact of the matter is, everyone has their own problems, their own lives to lead and their own issues to solve. They cannot, however much they want to, always be there for me. So I have become housebound, prisoner of this goddam sofa that I'm growing to hate and only my four year old son for company. Hubby gets home by 6.30 of course. Yet after a hard day's work, the last thing he wants or needs, is to entertain me. And so my poor little boy is watching his mum become more and more emotional & teary, resulting in his own insecurities! No wonder he's started to wet the bed again, after doing sooo well for months.

So as I sit here in the dark once again, alone, sleepless (I've become an insomniac lately), depressed and feeling downright guilty for being such a shitty mother, I'm wondering what can pull me through this dark hole I seem to be spiralling towards. I should be feeling excited. I should be looking forward to my new babies. So why am I being such a cry baby?......